A Certain Kind of Sadness
by purplehairedwonder
Summary: 3.15 tag. The first time Blaine heard Kurt's ringtone, he spit out his coffee.


**Author's Note:** Because the way Blaine said to Kurt, "You already know what he looks like" and the fact that Cooper Anderson was Kurt's ringtone really stuck out. And because the flawless Matt Bomer apparently inspires me to write _Glee_. Title comes from "Somebody That I Used to Know."

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing you recognize.

* * *

**A Certain Kind of Sadness**

* * *

The first time Blaine heard Kurt's ringtone, he spit out his coffee.

They were sitting in the Lima Bean, meeting there after school since it was a central location between Dalton and McKinley. Kurt was waving his arms around excitedly, eyes wide and shining with excitement, as he talked rapid-fire about a performance the New Directions had done that day at rehearsal. Blaine couldn't help but smile; he was enjoying the rare moment of seeing his friend so unburdened and _alive_ despite all the bullying he was dealing with at school.

Kurt paused for a breath and was about to continue his story when his phone, which was sitting on the table next to him, went off. "_Know your score. Free credit report dot com, slash savings!_" it sang.

Surprise at hearing his brother's voice ran through Blaine like an electric current and he choked on his coffee. Liquid sprayed from his mouth onto the table. He choked a couple more times before he could recover his breathing and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Only then did he dare to look up. Kurt's eyes were wide with concern and his phone was still singing Cooper's damned jingle, ignored in Kurt's hand.

"Blaine, you okay?" Kurt asked.

"Wh—? Yeah. Fine. Sorry," Blaine stuttered, grabbing several napkins and wiping up the mess he'd made as heat crept into his cheeks. "Sorry."

It wasn't like he hadn't seen one of the many incarnations of the commercial on TV or heard the jingle on the radio a million times. His parents would always beam with pride whenever they saw it, and sometimes they would glance in Blaine's direction. Blaine never felt smaller than in those moments; Cooper had always been larger than life, even before he'd moved to Los Angeles at eighteen, like a supernova to Blaine's dim little Pluto. But he didn't have to even be present to make Blaine feel small; he shined on while Blaine revolved, unnoticed and unwanted, at the fringe of the solar system that was the Anderson family.

But it wasn't that that made him spit the coffee. No, he just wasn't prepared to be slammed with a reminder of how little he had to offer in comparison to his internationally-loved-spokesperson of a brother while sitting with a friend in a coffee shop when he hadn't seen or even talked to his brother since Christmas.

Blaine got up and threw the napkins into the trash without looking at Kurt. By the time he reclaimed his seat, he'd managed to shove the embarrassment and insecurities down again—he'd gotten really good at that over the years. Hell, it was the only thing that kept him performing despite his brother's shadow. He smiled sheepishly at Kurt's worry.

"I can be such a klutz sometimes," he said.

Kurt, though, was blushing. "Was that because of my ringtone?" Blaine opened his mouth, not really knowing what to say, but Kurt was already plowing ahead, saving him from having to come up with anything. "I know it's stupid, but I have a hugest crush on the guy in that ad. He's _gorgeous_ and has an incredible voice. Most attractive man in North America, I'm telling you. I think there was a poll on the Internet and everything." Then he blushed. "And now I'm rambling like an idiot about a celebrity crush. You don't want to hear that. I'm sorry."

The insecurities came rushing back at that and Blaine stifled a sigh. That was his relationship with Cooper in a nutshell. But he forced a smile and shook his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Kurt."

* * *

Kurt's ringtone was also a total mood killer.

One quiet night, Blaine and Kurt were sitting on Blaine's bed watching a movie. Blaine had his back resting against the headboard and Kurt's head resting against his chest—to listen to Blaine's heartbeat, he said—and his fingers curled loosely on Blaine's stomach while Blaine had an arm wrapped around Kurt's shoulders. Their legs were entwined in a knot.

Blaine looked down at Kurt just as Kurt looked up at him, and for a moment they just looked at each other before they both laughed. The movie was boring—some Michael Bay flick that neither of them had any interest in but had been on TV—but the explosions were nice and loud. Kurt leaned up and kissed him. Blaine shut his eyes and savored the kiss a moment before returning it. Kurt twisted up for a better position and Blaine tightened his grip on his boyfriend to keep him steady.

"_Know your score. Free credit report dot com, slash savings!_"

The sound of Kurt's phone going off had Blaine's eyes flying open. Kurt let out a mild string of curses under his breath and rolled over the bed to reach for his phone. Blaine shoved back against the headboard and pulled his knees up to his chest. Within the span of a few seconds, all those carefully locked down feelings had broken free and were once more trying to gain control. Blaine swallowed and tried to shake them off but could only see his brother's face swimming in front of him, grinning and poking at every Blaine-shaped hole he could find and creating new ones in the process.

Kurt shut the phone off before turning back to Blaine. "Sorry about that. It was Rachel, undoubtedly having another night of diva drama. I'll make it up to her later." He grinned. "Where were we?" But his expression faltered at Blaine's posture. "Blaine? What is it?" Blaine shook his head. "Are you all right?"

"Fine. Just a little dizzy. I'll be okay."

"You sure? Can I do something?"

Blaine shook his head but couldn't shake the feeling of his brother hovering over him like a raincloud. "Let's just watch the movie."

Kurt bit his lip but finally nodded and sat back against the headboard. Blaine turned the volume up, hoping that the explosions might drown out the lingering echoes of Cooper on the air.

* * *

It took his phone going off in the library and Blaine's unmasked flinch for Kurt to finally get it.

Kurt had been star-struck since meeting Blaine's brother; he'd had a crush on the guy since the very first Free Credit Report commercial he'd seen. He'd never admit it, but he'd spent hours voting for him in some "Hottest TV Spokesperson" poll online. So if he'd melted into a puddle of goo at the sight of the man, much less getting to shake his hand and talk to him and watch him perform, he didn't think he was entirely at fault.

But that didn't mean he would actually prefer the elder Anderson brother. No one could ever come before Blaine, the love of his life.

And, sitting in the library and shutting off his phone while sneaking a glance for his visibly shaken boyfriend, Kurt realized he needed to make sure Blaine understood that as well. Blaine had been preoccupied before his brother had arrived and had only descended into a well of angst over the course of the week. Everyone had gone cuckoo for Cooper, and Kurt felt like an ass for not realizing sooner what that must be doing to Blaine.

"Hey," he said, turning to Blaine. "I'm sorry."

Blaine looked up from his book and blinked at that. "What? Why?"

_For being a terrible boyfriend. For having your brother's voice as my ringtone. For not making sure you know you'll always come first._ But what came out instead was, "For being an idiot."

Blaine cracked a weak smile and shut the book he'd been looking at. "What are you talking about?"

"I've been too star-struck to realize what your brother being here has really been doing to you."

"I don't know wh—"

Kurt rolled his eyes and put a hand on top of Blaine's. "You don't have to pretend for my sake."

Blaine opened his mouth to deny it, but paused after a long look at Kurt's face. His shoulders slumped and he sighed. Kurt thought he could see each brick of the guard Blaine had put up come down one at a time during that pause and was surprisingly humbled to be allowed to witness the shift.

Blaine had always been Kurt's inspiration. He was out and confident in himself, he was insanely talented, and he was loved by everyone around him. He was kind, courageous, and happy. He was everything Kurt wanted to be, especially during that horrible time in his life. But it had taken getting closer to Blaine to realize that much of that outward confidence and bravado was actually a fragile façade. Kurt had more in common with Blaine than he had ever realized. But that only made him love Blaine more.

And now he was seeing where that fragility came from. With an older brother like Cooper casting a mile-long shadow, an inferiority complex was only natural, even in the best of the best.

Finally Blaine spoke. "He's my big brother and I love him. I've been looking up to him since I can remember. I mean, you've seen him." Kurt nodded but said nothing. "Cooper's just… He's always been the star of the family. He's the larger-than-life, successful actor. He's all over the TV and radio and every time one of those ads comes on, my parents just look at me. Like they know I'll never live up to that." Blaine shook his head. "And I get it. I mean, look at him." He let out a harsh laugh. "Most attractive man in North America, right?"

Kurt's stomach twisted guiltily at that. "Blaine—"

But Blaine cut off the protest. "He's a star and that's fine. I'm happy that he gets to do what he loves. I really am." Blaine sighed tiredly and ran a hand through his hair. "I've just spent my whole life in his shadow. And when I manage to get a few minutes of his attention, all he can do is poke holes in everything I do."

An image of their argument during the acting lesson flashed through Kurt's mind and he bit his lip. The entire class had been so caught up in Cooper than they blindly agreed with everything he said, not considering Blaine's feelings—Blaine who was one of their own. The guilt ratcheted up.

Blaine turned to look at Kurt for the first time and had a sad smile on his face that made Kurt's skin crawl. He never wanted to see a look like that on his boyfriend's face ever again. "I've accepted that I'm not going to be the one whose voice people have as ringtones. Just once, though…" He shrugged. "Just once, I'd like to actually get some words of encouragement from him, you know? To know he doesn't think I'm a total waste of space."

"You're not a waste of space," Kurt said fiercely, squeezing Blaine's hand. "Nobody thinks that, least of all your brother."

Because Kurt knew—was sure from the way Cooper had looked at his brother during that Duran Duran performance—that Cooper loved him. His eyes had shone happily as he pulled his kid brother onto the floor. Together they'd come alive, something that could not have happened if both parties hadn't been in tune with the other. Kurt might not know a lot about brother stuff since he and Finn were only step-brothers, but he definitely knew about love.

Blaine, though, laughed humorlessly. "Thanks, Kurt." He pushed himself to his feet and grabbed his bag. He leaned over and kissed Kurt on the cheek before straightening. "I better head home. Family dinner tonight." His tone made it sound like a death sentence.

"Yeah, all right…"

Kurt sighed as Blaine disappeared through the front doors. This was going to be harder than he thought.

* * *

Blaine waved at Cooper as the elder Anderson brother headed for the security line. Cooper waved back with a grin before readjusting his carry-on bag and queuing up with the other passengers on the way to L.A. Once the familiar face melted into the crowd, Kurt ran an arm through Blaine's and put his head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for coming with me," Blaine said as they headed for the exit.

"Thanks for asking me," Kurt replied. He nodded back toward the airport. "You two seem better."

Blaine smiled—and Kurt was thrilled to see that it was the real Blaine Anderson article. That was more like it. "We are." He nudged Kurt with his elbow. "Thank you for that."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Why are you thanking me?"

"I know you talked to Cooper. He told me you asked him to hear me out before he left." Kurt opened his mouth but Blaine waved off his interruption. "And you convinced me to talk to him. So thank you."

When he'd run into Cooper in the hallway, Cooper had been looking for Blaine, but Blaine had been avoiding him. But Kurt had immediately known what he had to. If the brothers Anderson were going to part on good terms, then they needed to clear the air. And with the talent between them, there was no better place than the auditorium to do so. He'd promised Cooper he'd get Blaine to the auditorium if he'd wait there and be willing to _listen_ to his little brother. And, by some miracle, it had worked.

The power of Gotye, anyway, according to Blaine. But Kurt wasn't discounting brotherly love as factor either. It seemed more romantic somehow that way. And Blaine was always the romantic hero as far as Kurt was concerned.

"Sing, anyway."

Blaine's lip quirked. "Fine, you convinced me to sing with him. Whatever. It still worked. So thanks."

Kurt grinned. "Well, you're welcome."

They made the walk to the parking garage in comfortable silence. Blaine was pulling out his keys when Kurt's phone rang. He froze as Kurt pulled it from his pocket to check the caller ID.

"What is that?" Blaine whispered.

Kurt looked up from his phone—Mercedes was calling. "What?" he asked, feigning confusion. At Blaine's surprised look, Kurt smirked. "I changed my ringtone."

Blaine shook his head, eyes still wide. "What is that from?"

"The last time you were singing in the car I recorded it." He loved hearing Blaine sing along to the radio when they went on drives. "Do you mind?" At Blaine's bemused look, Kurt shrugged. "What? You know very well that I have the most attractive man in North America as my ringtone."

After a beat, Blaine finally burst out laughing and the sound sent warmth through Kurt's entire body. It really was the best sound he'd ever heard. Blaine finally unlocked the car and they both slipped into their seats. Kurt pulled his seatbelt over and clicked it. When he looked up, Blaine surprised him by catching his lips in a long kiss.

When Blaine finally pulled away, Kurt blinked a few times in surprise. But Blaine had a soft smile on his face as he started the car.

"Thank you."

* * *

_fin_


End file.
